The boring post

I guess you are just going to have to come to terms with it - my life is in no way exciting enough to fill a blog post every day. So expect some rather rambly, interesting subjects that have nothing to do with anything.
This may be one of those posts! Consider that your warning!!

Except of course - that I am the most boring person on Earth

So the most exciting thing that has happened today was my 20 minute walk. Yep - a whole 20 minutes! And I walked about half mile - so even a 'normal' walk, not a fast one, would have normally taken me at most 10. I feel like a snail. Snail.Cow. Whatever...!

I get one sort of outing a day. That's about as much as my body can handle. Monday's I get to have coffee with A babe. So she comes and gets me and we go hang out at the Princess's Starbucks. Nothing better than coffee and friends!

When are we getting together?

Then a walk in the afternoon after my nap! I feel a little bit like a toddler at the minute. (A baby cow?) I can't do too much or it wears me out. Woe is me.

So that's about all for today -told you, boring as heck.

Till tomorrow sweeties

Hugs

Megan

FAQs

I know you've got 'em, let me try to answer them! These really are the questions that I get asked the most - but if I haven't answered your particular intrigue, just ask me in the comments below. Promise I'll look - Facebook I'm not as good at getting to, but I'll try, OK?

How are you feeling? Really?
And the real answer is - I feel fine! Boring but true! If it weren't for the extreme fatigue, I would be back to how I was before the treatment. The pain has shifted, but is manageable, and I am frustrated by not being able to do anything, but really I am fine.
Within myself, emotionally, I am also good. I get bored easily, and I am sometimes worried that my brain has suffered somehow from the frying, but that may be from not doing anything. It's all a crazy circle.

Did it hurt (the radiation)?
NO. That's the short answer. The longer one is that the last three treatments hurt a bit when the rays went over where had started to burn. But they don't stay in one place for too long, so it wasn't that bad, although I would not have wanted it to go on any longer!

It's a 1

Do you think it worked?
Hmmmm - now that's a tricky one. Right now if I run my hand over the Fred area, it feels a lot bigger and tighter. The Dr said that I could expect some swelling, so I am sure that is what I am feeling. And of course I cannot feel the whole of the tumour, so it may have shrunk at the ends.
SO no real answer for that right now - but I am relatively optimistic and spend 'nap time' imagining my white blood cells as a pac-man operation eating away dead Fred cells. Fun, huh? Feel free to play along.

When will you know if it worked?
Ahhh - the million dollar question! Again not an easy one to answer though. I'll have an MRI the first week in April which is just a little pre-lim look see. We were told that if it looks good then, then it did a great job. But if it looks bad, then we'll just ignore it. Right.
The explanation for this? That we are expecting to see some swelling and damage from the radiation, so we ignore a 'worse' scan. But if it shows some improvement then it must be a big improvement to get past the fry damage. Make sense? No? It's OK, 'cos I get to have another MRI in July that will be far more reliable (because all of the SE from the radiation will have gone - they better have!!)
However - the radiation doc did suggest that we could see results from the radiation for up to 5 years because of how slow it grows. I think you can guess how well I took to that little piece of news!

So is that it? No more treatment?
That's it for radiation. You get one shot at one spot - so Fred has had all the frying that he's going to get.
The radiation oncologist does not suggest any further treatment. That would be some sort of drug therapy/chemo-ish treatment. I am leaning towards this to be honest, but I am waiting until the July scan before we make that decision. I'm not a patient person, friends, so this is hard for me. I wanted the radiation to just shrivel Fred up to a crisp - but we also know that I have a bit of magical wishing going on in this regard!

is killing Fred considered evil?

I think I'll do a post on patience, or the lack of it, but I am telling you that there is nothing in me that thinks 5 years is an acceptable time to wait. I'm sure you're feeling me, right?

What can I/we do to help?

Awww - thanks! But we are doing fine now. My BSF babes made us meals the whole way through, and after, treatment, and now we are getting through the stash of meals I had frozen before. SO that is taken care of.

Piet is also the world's best housekeeper (save for maybe his Mum!!) and he just does everything around the house. I am NOT ALLOWED to do anything. Truly. Sometimes I can get dinner ready, but that's about it. I'ma actually starting to feel a little bit useless.

I know, I know

When will you be back to full health?

I so wish I knew. The doc suggested about 6 weeks, but I am having a hard time believing that could be possible. I was so optimistic - but it was that magical thinking again. I am trying to be good and sensible (!!!!) with my recovery, but it is so hard.

SO that's it folks. Seriously - if I didn't answer something, just ask me.

And just because I need a laugh...

but I know you know that!

Till tomorrow loves

Hugs,

Megan

Side effects.... and a drive.

I promised you yesterday that I would update you on my side effects (SE), but of course there will be some gruesomeness involved. So for those of you who are a little squeamish, let's do the drive first so you can leave after that.
Aren't you curious? It was the first time I'd been behind the wheel for 9 weeks.
Did I kill someone?
Hit something - or someone?
Have an accident?
Cause an accident?
Take a look see...

so good so far - getting out of the driveway

proof that it wasn't an optical illusion!

The Princess came along with me to make sure I was OK - and she looked petrified! I really am not sure what she was expecting - I can't imagine that she was thinking I was a bad driver. Hmmmm.

So we drove down the road and around the corner all the way to Safeway. Just three blocks. It wasn't painful exactly, but it also wasn't comfortable. We got there and home fine.

I think that the feeling was that I am fine to drive just around here, but anything further really needs to be done by someone else for a while longer.

Consider yourself warned!

Now we move on to the SE. SO consider yourself warned! It won't be too difficult for you - but again, if you are a little sensitive, please spare yourself now!

Firstly - I think I've already mentioned this, but it needs to be remembered, the nausea is gone. Yay! I cannot tell you how amazing those cups of coffee are in the morning!

The fatigue seems to have set in for the long haul ( you can read yesterday's post for a bit more on that). I was being for too optimistic about that leaving soon.

Digestive issues (turn away now - it's not too late!) - still a big problem. Constipation is just no fun at all - and we all know that I think things that aren't fun just shouldn't be allowed! We at first thought that it was because of the meds that I was taking, but I've weaned myself off of the heavy (fun!) pain meds, so that doesn't seem to be it. I think that the radiation got some of my bowel and so now it just doesn't work. I will never, ever again take for granted a daily poo!!!!!!!

I know you're thankful too!!

There is still a lot of skin peelage - hah, I just made up a word. Impressed? Unmentionable places continue to shed skin - layer upon layer. I think Sara Lee may have had radiation!! I also was being optimistic in this area - I thought that once it peeled, it would heal and that would be that. Not so much. How many layers will it take (there may be a very off-colour joke about the centre of a Tootsie roll there - but think it up and laugh all by yourself - I've helped all I can!)  'Unmentionable' places are also still very tender. Loo breaks can be a wee bit painful if I'm not paying attention.(see what I did there? *wink/smirk)

The pain comes and goes. During my absence, the front of my Fred leg (right) became very burnt and just incredibly painful. I couldn't even touch it. I got some amazing numbing cream from the hospital that helped, but I don't need it now, thank goodness. It's now just feeling a little bruised, so as long as I am careful not to hit it onto anything it's really not noticeable. But what is noticeable is the pain on the inside of my leg. It's really hard to describe, but it's almost like the outer skin and fat(and we know there's plenty of that!) are numb and the inside muscle is all bruised and battered. Fried more like it - but it feels more bruised. Fred also feels bigger and angrier - I guess we all would be a little ticked if we were radiated, hey?

So that's it for the SE. Kinda still the same, but just a bit better (besides the BMs)

And now just the cutest picture of how my honey brought me my yogurt this week - I know you are so very jealous!

How adorable is this?

Till tomorrow sweeties,
Hugs
Megan

You get to be part of this month's goal

And that is writing on the blog every day - aren't you just so excited?

That means a month worth of ecards - I'll try to make sure that they're PG!

Today was a good day. Piet and I have negotiated a 'recuperation plan" so that I don't take on too much. It sounds like it's such a tiny, little bit of activity (how will I reach my Activelink goal?) but it should make both of us happy.

What's on this plan you ask? you did ask right?

Only up and down the stairs 4 times (this has become an issue after my little fall a week or so ago - but it's a bummer because it means I have to be super organised!) If you're counting, that's once down in the morning, once up in the afternoon for my 'nap' and that leaves just 2 more times through the day. If you've met me, you know that being organised just isn't part of my DNA.

Yep - I think that's true!

Also on the plan is a 'rest time'! I feel like a toddler! (OK - no comments on that last item, k?) The last few days I haven't been able to sleep in the afternoon, and my body is noticing the lack of rest. Today however, I managed a 2 hour sleep. Ahh - I feel very rested now.

But the most exciting part of the negotiations was the 'walk'. I'm going to start out very slow - just twice around our block today. We need to see how my body does with the exercise and then I can work up as I can. You know where I am going with this - I see myself running within the month!!! I cannot believe that I am going to say this - but I miss running. Pick yourself up off the floor Aussies - it's not a joke.

Yep - that's about right now!

So that's about it for the recuperation plan. I'll let you know how it goes...

Until next time

Hugs

Megan

The one about getting worse before getting better

And it's a bugger. I really thought that I would recover for two weeks, not continue to get worse. And believe me, it's worse.
I am peeling in places that ought not be peeling, mmkay - 'nuff said!
The burning is still getting worse. DO NOT believe anyone who says this is 'a bit like a sunburn' (Yes - as a matter of fact, I an looking at you Dr M!) Think ore along the lines of an oven burn after it has healed a bit and gone to that brown, scaley, itchy, extremely sore and irritated burn. Now you get the picture. Now for me - picture this all around sensitive areas. I'll wait while you cross your legs and wince.......

that's a pretty good depiction.... no photos from me though!!!!!!!!!

I am very thankful though that I didn't start that burning until right at the end of my treatment. The really burning showed up just before my third last treatment - so those last three were pretty painful. When the beam ran over the burnt area was the only time that I felt like I was burning - so very thankful it was only for the last three.
Also thankful that I don't have to walk to the cars and into the hospital in my 'geisha' walk, or better yet, my Sumo walk. I think I'm turning Japanese!

I dare you not to sing it!

Anyway... the whole object of the Japanese walking is to not have any parts rubbing - that is the most painful thing ever! Well - I'm sure there are other things worse, but that is pretty bad. It's like a sever case of chaffing after you've been at the beach and forgot to rinse off the salt and then went for a long run. Yep - it's that painful!

The nausea is settling down a bit, good news because I only have tablets for today and tomorrow! I think that I forgot to mention that we switched my nausea meds to Compazine because of the constipation issue ( I warned you that I wan't going to sugar coat this process!!!) and doing that settled things immensely. Whether it worked better for me, or solving the digestive issues helped - not to know, but I really don't care, it worked!

But this morning I am in trouble with the hubster! I just want to be better peeps. SO yesterday I did a couple loads of washing - and the punishment was a severe tongue lashing! And the threat to ground me!!!!! I kid you not - apparently he is taking serious the idea of recuperation. I however, am not enjoying laying around the house doing nothing as much as I thought I would. (I see that scoff - but it's true!)

It's a hard life...

I just want to be able to get back to normal. And that means taking on some of the housework again. But this is not to be...... it's time to start all of those books on the Kindle app and actually read them!

Think I just found my new diet regime!!!

Until next time

Hugs

Megan

So I've started to peel

... also to pee - but didn't think that you'd keep reading if I put that in the title!

The peeling is in the sensitive area where your pubic hair (if you have any!) meets your leg - shall we call it the bikini line?And it's painful people, painful. Also - don't believe that story that it's like a sunburn. No way. More like the burn that you get when you sit in the oven for an hour! And rather than a red burn, this is a brown, burnt skin. Not fun at all.

And the pee? My poor bladder is not liking this last bit of radiation and is making it known by leaking all the time. I even had to buy Poise pads (Depends.) Humiliation complete.



The good news though, is that spring is almost here, I only have 2 days of treatment left, and my nails look fabulous! See -

The bulbs in the front also pushed up through the ground this morning. It makes me happy. I'm ready for winter to be over and for the weather to warm up. More ready for the radiation to be over. It seems almost impossible to imagine what life will be like without the daily trips to the hospital. But I'm more than willing to find out! I'll have plenty of time in the mornings - come and visit me!

Until next time

Hugs

Megan

Just 6 more to go!

This is one of those times where time is being a little unpredictable. Some times it feels like this radiation thing has taken forever - and other times it feels like it has flown. Now of course, that may depend on how I am feeling. I have noticed that when I am in a lot of pain, time seems to slow down. Funny that!

or in pain....

So what's been going on? Nothing but radiation people, nothing but radiation! I think that I may have 'peaked' with the fatigue. At least I am hoping that I have! I am always totally exhausted, but am finding it really hard to sleep. Go figure!

Some days I can muster up enough energy to get me through a little excursion with one of the beautiful babes who drive me - yesterday it was a field trip to Trader Joe's . Yes. I'm living the life here, living the life! (TJ's is a supermarket - apparently popular in other areas of the US and has just opened their first three stores in Denver. Yes - it IS very exciting! So I need to remind you that Denver is still a little "wild-west"ish???!!!)

it's such a hard life!

My leg is just now starting to turn pink and getting a bit sensitive. That's making it quite uncomfortable to sit! Hopefully it doesn't get too bad - I'm not sure what we'll have to do then - I may become bed-ridden!Other parts are also getting more pink, if you get my drift! Not fun girls, not fun. (Not sure boys can understand the pain involved here - but use your imagination if you're game!!!)

This is what keeps me smiling ....

... my mantel of love! (Those are the roses from V-day from my man.) It's all the cards that I've received, and you can't see it, but there is a vase that now holds all of the little notes that you've sent me. (What? You haven't sent me anything? Hmmmm - I wasn't going to say anything, but..........!!!!) Whenever I start to get a bit sad, I just take a look and remember that I am loved - makes it easier.

So it looks like by next Wednesday I will be done with radiation. Done, I say. Done. DONE! DONE! Yep - pretty much counting down the minutes right now - I cannot wait for this to be all over.

Oh - and a lot of you are asking how we know Fred is shrinking, or how much he has shrunk, or if he is dead yet. The sad news is that we don't know. I'll have another MRI once I've finished treatment and that will give us a little bit of an idea. But the radiation can continue to work for another 2 years!!!!!!!! The story seems to be that since Fred is so slow growing, he is also slow dying. (I, myself, think that a bullet should have worked fine!!!!)

Ha!!!!!!!!

So there you have a quick little update - until next time loves,
Hugs
Megan

The post with way Too Much Information

We're talking side-effects today people, and this is you warning! If you are male and don't like talking about girlie things (no pillow fights here boys!!), are a little "sensitive" (I'm not censoring this) or just don't care to know this stuff - now's the time to tune out!

**** Just a little bit about why this post: I couldn't find this information after all of my very careful searching on the blogissphere, and I wanted to know. Doctors are notoriously understated about this stuff - perhaps they are scared we'll run away screaming? Anyway - I thought this might be helpful for any of you that may unfortunately need some of this type of information. I would have preferred to have been prepared more than I was! **** (Sincerity rant ended!!)

OK - onto the nitty gritty (still time to run - I won't be offended!)

First off is the nausea. Ugh - some peeps had mentioned it, and apparently I have been hit with a pretty decent dose. The story from the Doc is that because I am being treated in a large area, my side effects are pretty large too. (There's a joke in there somewhere, I just know it. I'll get back to you if I can think of it!) The anti-nausea medicine is doing a fairly good job, but it just won't get me through the whole night. It's kinda like being pregnant again - except without the stretch-marks, 'glow' or hope of a bouncing baby at the end of the time!

OK - so for the sake of being downright truthful here, this has been the suckiest thing so far. Really. I cannot exaggerate this enough - I feel pukey most every moment of every day. And we are only one third of the way through. I have no idea how people do this and still manage to keep working - or just doing everyday things. It's gross and it's sucking my funness. Thank goodness I have my sunny disposition to fall back on (that was sarcasm peeps - it's getting hard to laugh this off - so you know it's getting bad!!)

Along with the sickness comes the fatigue. The doc tried to make this sound a little less brutal by calling it 'tiredness' - but this is life-sucking, "can't walk up the stairs" fatigue. Think of the last time you had a true, muscle-aching flu. Then multiply it by about 15. That should give you a bit of an idea of how tired I am. I am choosing to believe that's because all of my white blood cell "pac-men" are using all of my energy eating up the dead Fred cells. White blood cells appear to need a never-ending supply of energy. Thus there is none left for me to climb the stairs.

When I started this blog three days ago (remember the above point about fatigue - sometimes it means I start things like a post, and then just need to lie down and rest. Who knew typing could be so exhausting? Where was I? Oh yeah - so three days ago one of my side-effects was bi-polar bowels. Fun, huh? But apparently the Zofran has won the war, and constipation reigns. More fun. Let me tell you - sometimes I am totally overcome by the amount of fun this tumor is creating.

I'm definitely one of the two here....

These are the three big ones. And nobody wants to talk about them (and seriously, do you blame them?) Now come the other ones. There is a lot of bloating and gas (can we have more fun here?) And my personal favourite  - hair loss. Hmmm - this definitely goes in that WTMI [way to much information] category. So to be blunt - this is not the hair from my head peeps, it's what my Mum calls the 'short and curlies'. I personally think this is hysterical - I'm more of a juvenile than you ever imagined! And with that some 'sensitivity' in the "flappage" (this is my big sister's word peeps - urban dictionary. NOT FOR THE SENSITIVE OF YOU OUT THERE - I'M SERIOUS!!!  I dare you to use it in a sentence this week!!!!!!!!!)

I'm also having a lot of trouble sleeping. Bizarre considering how exhausted I feel. And of course there is some pain. Some of it I am attributing to Fred dying, and others are from being on the table like a contortionist for an hour every day. Some of it will also depend on the area that you are being treated, so unfortunately for me that includes my hip and groin area.

Good news though is that I haven't had any of the skin burning that I was expecting. My thigh is hotter than the other one for a few hours after my treatment, but it has usually been back to normal by bed time (at the exceptionally late hour of 9:30!!!!I told you I was tired).

OK - so there you have it. If you got this far, I'm very sorry because it obviously means you need this information. (If it's because you love me - thanks!! I love you too - but I think you may know things about me that you wished you didn't)

Go on - I give you permission

Hugs

Megan

The Sucky Suck Sucky McSucky Day!

I know - I can hear you - "Well -obviously this is a gross understatement"!!!!!!

I've told you a million times before - I don't exaggerate!

Hmmm - so it's probably not the worst day ever - but it was a pretty terrible rotten no good very bad day.

So Tuesday's treatment started out pretty promisingly. All of the 'films' (x-rays) were lining up, right until the very last one. Then it went all pear shaped.

My therapists just could not get me just right. So I was on the table for about an hour. And I was pretty potty about it too. Not pretty in "Oh isn't this orange shirt so pretty?" (a Southern USA accent helps here), but more like "Oh, isn't this week old, brown, grotty snow just so pretty?" No accent needed here, but imagine a deep sense of sarcasm will help immensely!!

Sometimes I let myself get a bit too invested in things that may or may not be grounded in reality peeps. This is my confession! After my super quick treatment on Friday, I just assumed that we had it down now and that all of my treatments would be zippy. Like I said - nowhere near grounded in reality.

And I think that is what was really getting to me. Because quite honestly, the last two (Wednesday and Thursday's) treatments have been the same level of suckiness. Maybe even worse. But once I had a reality check (ha - that might be the first time in the history of forever that I've been able to use that phrase correctly!), they just haven't seemed so bad. 

Don't get me wrong - there is nothing fun about this process. But I am coming to terms with spending an hour on the table every day. And I just keep reminding myself that this is all to save my leg - so I can run a marathon! I'm coming to terms with the Olympic dreams fading away.... hahahahha. 

And on other fantastic news - we are one third of the way done! Yay. Party time peeps!!

Till the next time - where there may or may not be Too Much Information,

Hugs

Megan

The good ....... and the humiliating

This is sooooo good! My first cup of coffee in five days! In the cutest Starbucks mug too (thanks Lindsay).
And I gave myself an adorable Aboriginal print manicure.
So Friday started off as such a good day. Nancy came and collected me and we went off to St Joe's. Treatment was great - they got me all lined up and sorted so quickly that I was out within 30 minutes - SCORE! (BTW if you are after a prayer request, that's it - that I would position myself and then my techs would get me lined up very quickly. That's what takes the longest time on the table)
After we got home, Nancy and I were having a lovely visit - and BAM. Things went downhill fast. Like a roller coaster fast.

whoever 'they' are, they have some 'splaining to do!

All of a sudden my energy left - in the middle of a conversation fast! So the afternoon was spent on the couch, sleeping as much as the nausea would allow.

So needless to say, Friday night I was not up to much partying!

This morning I thought that because I didn't have a treatment, I would have loads of energy to go shopping. You've guessed by now that I was dead wrong!

I'm having a bit of trouble getting into Piet's car - my hip really doesn't like to do anything really!

So I hobbled around Sports Authority with Will's arm to help me. More hobbling at Kohl's (netting me some cute new tops though!!) and we still had Target to hit up. 

Cue the humiliation....

I thought that it moved just as slowly as I was - but no, Will assured me  that it was actually going a 'bit faster'.  

So there you have it - after only a week of treatment I've turned into an old lady. Will's getting in some 'nanna' training - although he's already learnt to be sweet enough to assure me that "you're not old Mum, don't say that". Isn't he adorable? He's my favorite son!

Overall - today will go down as one of the suckiest in history. 

May you weekend be less sucky than mine!

Hugs

Megan

One week down peeps!

Didn't that go by quickly? (we are NOT talking about the five more to go!!)

After the horrible experience of the first treatment, we have settled in to a more manageable routine with my technicians. They are fantastic - which is probably good seeing as they have to see my naked butt every day!!!!

The worst part of the treatment is still getting into the right position for the treatment. We giggle and wriggle and move me around millimeter by milliliter. Then the x-rays start and I'm moved around a bit again millimeter until I am in the perfect  spot to finally get my treatment. They still don't hurt, or feel at all, but I am starting to get some side effects. My skin has started to get a bit pink, and I'm starting to get some fatigue. But by far the worst side effect has been the nausea. Horrid.

Enter Zofran - my new best friend! This wonder drug keeps the sickness at bay so that I don't feel like I need to chuck every moment of every day.

I haven't had a cup of coffee for FOUR DAYS!!!

I just feel dead - I really hope you haven't spoken to me over the past 4 days!!!

I am hoping tomorrow will bring me a cup of joe - I miss my best friend!!!!!!

Boy - it's been painful for me anyway!!!

I am also getting a bit sore in the hip joint - so walking, especially right after the treatment, is painful. I look like an old lady. Helped immensely when the Doc today suggested I may need to use a walking stick if my leg keeps 'collapsing' on me. (That happened yesterday afternoon - luckily the Princess was with me and could keep me upright!)

I may need to start my own collection.

So there's the first week in radiation. Sucky - but not as bad as it could be.....

Stay tuned - there is far more than you ever wanted to know coming up!!

Hugs

Megan