The Sucky Suck Sucky McSucky Day!

I know - I can hear you - "Well -obviously this is a gross understatement"!!!!!!

I've told you a million times before - I don't exaggerate!

Hmmm - so it's probably not the worst day ever - but it was a pretty terrible rotten no good very bad day.

So Tuesday's treatment started out pretty promisingly. All of the 'films' (x-rays) were lining up, right until the very last one. Then it went all pear shaped.

My therapists just could not get me just right. So I was on the table for about an hour. And I was pretty potty about it too. Not pretty in "Oh isn't this orange shirt so pretty?" (a Southern USA accent helps here), but more like "Oh, isn't this week old, brown, grotty snow just so pretty?" No accent needed here, but imagine a deep sense of sarcasm will help immensely!!

Sometimes I let myself get a bit too invested in things that may or may not be grounded in reality peeps. This is my confession! After my super quick treatment on Friday, I just assumed that we had it down now and that all of my treatments would be zippy. Like I said - nowhere near grounded in reality.

And I think that is what was really getting to me. Because quite honestly, the last two (Wednesday and Thursday's) treatments have been the same level of suckiness. Maybe even worse. But once I had a reality check (ha - that might be the first time in the history of forever that I've been able to use that phrase correctly!), they just haven't seemed so bad. 

Don't get me wrong - there is nothing fun about this process. But I am coming to terms with spending an hour on the table every day. And I just keep reminding myself that this is all to save my leg - so I can run a marathon! I'm coming to terms with the Olympic dreams fading away.... hahahahha. 

And on other fantastic news - we are one third of the way done! Yay. Party time peeps!!

Till the next time - where there may or may not be Too Much Information,

Hugs

Megan

The good ....... and the humiliating

This is sooooo good! My first cup of coffee in five days! In the cutest Starbucks mug too (thanks Lindsay).
And I gave myself an adorable Aboriginal print manicure.
So Friday started off as such a good day. Nancy came and collected me and we went off to St Joe's. Treatment was great - they got me all lined up and sorted so quickly that I was out within 30 minutes - SCORE! (BTW if you are after a prayer request, that's it - that I would position myself and then my techs would get me lined up very quickly. That's what takes the longest time on the table)
After we got home, Nancy and I were having a lovely visit - and BAM. Things went downhill fast. Like a roller coaster fast.

whoever 'they' are, they have some 'splaining to do!

All of a sudden my energy left - in the middle of a conversation fast! So the afternoon was spent on the couch, sleeping as much as the nausea would allow.

So needless to say, Friday night I was not up to much partying!

This morning I thought that because I didn't have a treatment, I would have loads of energy to go shopping. You've guessed by now that I was dead wrong!

I'm having a bit of trouble getting into Piet's car - my hip really doesn't like to do anything really!

So I hobbled around Sports Authority with Will's arm to help me. More hobbling at Kohl's (netting me some cute new tops though!!) and we still had Target to hit up. 

Cue the humiliation....

I thought that it moved just as slowly as I was - but no, Will assured me  that it was actually going a 'bit faster'.  

So there you have it - after only a week of treatment I've turned into an old lady. Will's getting in some 'nanna' training - although he's already learnt to be sweet enough to assure me that "you're not old Mum, don't say that". Isn't he adorable? He's my favorite son!

Overall - today will go down as one of the suckiest in history. 

May you weekend be less sucky than mine!

Hugs

Megan

One week down peeps!

Didn't that go by quickly? (we are NOT talking about the five more to go!!)

After the horrible experience of the first treatment, we have settled in to a more manageable routine with my technicians. They are fantastic - which is probably good seeing as they have to see my naked butt every day!!!!

The worst part of the treatment is still getting into the right position for the treatment. We giggle and wriggle and move me around millimeter by milliliter. Then the x-rays start and I'm moved around a bit again millimeter until I am in the perfect  spot to finally get my treatment. They still don't hurt, or feel at all, but I am starting to get some side effects. My skin has started to get a bit pink, and I'm starting to get some fatigue. But by far the worst side effect has been the nausea. Horrid.

Enter Zofran - my new best friend! This wonder drug keeps the sickness at bay so that I don't feel like I need to chuck every moment of every day.

I haven't had a cup of coffee for FOUR DAYS!!!

I just feel dead - I really hope you haven't spoken to me over the past 4 days!!!

I am hoping tomorrow will bring me a cup of joe - I miss my best friend!!!!!!

Boy - it's been painful for me anyway!!!

I am also getting a bit sore in the hip joint - so walking, especially right after the treatment, is painful. I look like an old lady. Helped immensely when the Doc today suggested I may need to use a walking stick if my leg keeps 'collapsing' on me. (That happened yesterday afternoon - luckily the Princess was with me and could keep me upright!)

I may need to start my own collection.

So there's the first week in radiation. Sucky - but not as bad as it could be.....

Stay tuned - there is far more than you ever wanted to know coming up!!

Hugs

Megan

And so it begins....

I'm not gonna lie here peeps - I was quite the nervous wreck last night and this morning. I managed to get in about 5 hours sleep, and then went back to bed for a couple of hours to snooze before we headed off at noon.(after a farewell to Willie and John)
How stressed was I? Well - I had a nightmare about Miley Cyrus and sparkly lip gloss. I think that speaks volumes!
We went straight back to the waiting room after I had scanned my "barcode", and then went back to the treatment room. My therapists are amazing, and showed Piet all around and answered all of his questions.
Then the fun started. We wriggled and jiggled until they got me just right, and left the room to get my first set of photos.

try holding this pose for an hour - I think I should start yoga!

And then - oops.
Last week I went in to dry run of the treatment, and the machine worked just fine. But they forgot to check that the 'arms' that come out the sides to take the x-rays to line me up could cope.And of course - they didn't! Of course! Seriously not surprised at all.
So they had to get some more images sent to the machine to line me up. This took about half an hour or so. And all of that time I was still lying very still with my face down, arms over my head not moving at all. After being like that for aver n hour, and the images still not right, they let me get up so they could treat someone waiting. This was perfect timing - I'd just begun to get a bit panicky and was trying to talk myself out of hyperventilating.
After about 15 minutes I went back in so we could do the wriggle and jiggle routine again. There's something very humbling about being prodded and pushed while you are half naked and not able to see what is going on!
But this time the pics were good, everything lined up well and we went on to the treatment.
And can I say that they are kind of a let down? There is a high pitched hum, and them some flashing lights. You cannot feel a thing. Really. People said that, but I just couldn't believe it. But it's true. There's not wind, or heat, or sensation. And then it's over. I of course, get to have a table move and then another round, but that's it folks. Nothing. I thought that I would feel something, or that my leg would feel different (well - being able to get off the table seemed like a bit of a novelty after all that time, but I can't say that had anything to do with the radiation).
So believe the blogs peeps - you cannot feel it at all. And that'a a relief.
Then I got some more markings - and some little stickers to help. But - and I know you'll be soooo surprised - they don't like me. I'm not all that sticky apparently - Piet's finding them all over the place now!

And so there you have it - one down and now 32 to go!!

Oops - almost forgot....

Yep - that's pretty much it

Hugs
Megan

So there's special - then there's ME!

I got a call yesterday from the oncology department yesterday.
Apparently as they were beginning to 'write' my program to the machine, they began to worry that I wouldn't fit in it. Because Fred is so large, they need to hit it from many different angles, and they are not so sure that it will all fit in the one program.
So I get to go and have a pre, pre-trial!
See? SO special!
It's actually beginning to get a bit comical. I'm almost to the point where I am just waiting to see what the next mess will be.

Don't get me wrong. When Piet came home yesterday I was in a bit of a mess. I need for him not to be nice to me or to hug me, because then the tears come. I am so good at imagining the very worst that may happen. The very worst that I could imagine yesterday was that I would need to have two sets of radiation - 66 treatments instead of 33. 13 weeks instead of 6.5
This morning though, things are looking a bit better. I got my sense of humour back, and also my faith that no matter what, God knows what needs to happen.

At my BSF meeting this morning, I was so totally taken aback by comments from two of the babes there. (BSF babes are the best - if you ever get a chance to go into leadership take it - there is nowhere else you will meet babes like these!) One of them talked about the joy that I still have as we go through this, and another really gave me a perspective that I'd never considered.
N just mentioned that it was obvious of my faith in God, and I just responded that I didn't really have a choice but to. And to be honest here - I really had not thought that there was another option. But she told me that I had chosen that instead of crawling up into a ball in bed and lying there. Huh. Had never even imagined that that was a choice.

(Hmmm - and now that I think about it, maybe I'll take that as an option next week!!!!!)

So that was a very encouraging morning. Thanks God!
And then, my baby girl brought on the tears again by telling me that there are people at her work praying for me. One of them, a 'daily' customer. How sweet is that? (I knew drinking Starbucks was a good thing!)
I am just amazed at the way that people have come alongside us as a family. It's a lovely thing to see God's people working on His behalf. I am totally humbled. (insert tears here)
So - now you are up to date, and you got more ecards than you ever needed in one post!!!
Hugs
Megan

I got my first tattoo(s)

But they were nowhere near what I imagined my first 'ink' would be. (Warning - this is long - so either grab a cup of coffee or just pretend that you read it and skip down to the ecard!!!!!)

Really thought it would be more like this!

Thursday was 'test' day. A second MRI to find out just how large Fred is. Apparently the first one didn't actually reach the top of the tumor.The first one was at a lovely little private centre, this one at Kaiser. The first one was smaller -so my face was out of the actual machine, but this one I was all the way in with my face just a tad off the top of the machine.

The 'little' one - i went in to about mid chest

This gives a good idea of how it feels - although you are up higher to the 'roof'

The first hour - yep, you read right, the first hour - was fine. I just close my eyes and pray, and doze on and off. Then I needed the contrast. Last time I had no problems at all. This time - not so much. I was chatting away with the nurse as she was shooting me up (she'd out me on tap before I went in the tube) and after just a little bit I started to feel very queezy.
"Is this likely to make me feel sick?" - and well, apparently the answer is yes. I still had 3cc's to go and she waited until I thought I was OK and then started to push it through a little slower. But this time the queezy turned vomitous ( a new 'Megan" word!) and I had need of a kidney dish right away.

the vomitous culprit

{"Well - just try not to move your legs while you vomit" - great advice I'll keep till my dying day!!! Mind you - my legs tied down and my feet taped together, so movement was unlikely.

That queezy feeling never really left me for the rest of the day, but I soldiered on over the road to St Joseph's for my CT planning scan. What a trooper - I'm impressed with me too!

The MRI took about 90 minutes, so we were early to the CT - enough time to get a cup of tea and calm down a little. It's really hard to find anyone ho talks about these scans online - trust me, I've scoured blogs!!

This looks pretty much like the room I was in - just beige instead of green

So for the sake of anyone else who might find this information useful (and I pray that you never do) here is my story.

It starts........now! (I love Graham Norton - what a guilty pleasure)

I may or may not need to confess after I've watched this!

My doctor was in the room with the machine - along with two nurses. Great gals - I'm gonna like working with them daily. (On a side note - as we went into the waiting room, a girl was leaving with a certificate. She had just finished her treatment plan and everyone was congratulating her and wishing her well. Cool or what?) I had to leave Piet in the waiting room while I followed one of the nurses to the room.
The doc chatted with me a bit and then explained what they were going to do - namely a practice dry run with the lasers.This is where it got a bit different for me - I have to have my treatments face down.
So while they explained that they were going to be placing some stickers on me as guides, and a few tattoos so that they can 'line me up' with the radiation machine, I had to sign a waiver. They may or may not have told me what I was signing away - but at this point I think Fred is worse than anything else that might happen.
I have to have my treatment with my face down. So I had to take my pants off and get down on the 'table'. There was a foam pillow like on  a massage table for me to place my head on, and for my legs there was a big blue pillow. But my face is just an inch or so from the table - can you say claustrophobia? The table was a covered mattress on a base that wheels in and out of the scanner. But while you have your face down you can't see when they touch you or wheel you or move your legs where they need to be!

kinda like this but nowhere near as comfy

While I was on the table, I could hear the doctor and the nurses talking in the little offside room where they could see the scans. Then someone would come out and move me, or the table, sometimes both. After about 45 minutes of this (remember my face has to be down this whole time - and I have to 'try not to wriggle'!) they had me where they needed to be and one of the nurses came in to 'mark' me. I think that by then I had a fair bit of Sharpie on me, but now it was tie for the tattoos. And really all that was was a large needle with some ink in the hole through the middle of it. So just a jab for each one got the job done. It's just a blue dot - and trying to find them on my legs is like trying to find a needle in a haystack - or rather a blue freckle among millions of brown ones. I hope they glow in the dark!!!

if my skin was not as freckled as it is, this is what they would look like!

After they had stopped bleeding, I got my jeans back on and the nurse gave me my check in card (barcoded) and showed me where I would wait to be called. We watched  a little video and chatted with another nurse about the expected side effects, and then 90 minutes later we were on our merry way.

So there you go - what to expect of your 'test' day getting ready for radiation. Not recommended peeps, not recommended!
I start treatment on the 16th, and the lovely Kelly is organizing  a signup for drivers and feeders. So - if you have been dying to spend some quality time with me, I'd love for you to come and drive me to my appointments! Just let me know and I'll pass on the info to her (my first self confessed groupie)

radiation won't really make you like the Hulk!

Thanks for hanging in there - you deserve a medal!!

Hugs
Megan