The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Reflections on The Year That Sucked.

Now that's a title to make you want to jump right in, huh?!

It's the last day of this suckish year however, so of course that means a bit of time for reflection. Auld Lang Syne and all that.

It was actually hard right off to think of the good that has been part of this year. Just one of the reasons that this year sucks is that the Ugly seems to eclipse the good and fabulous. But let's be honest - the way the year ends is really what you remember the most, right?

The Good.
The Princess Graduated High School and started her gap year working at Starbucks.(coffee always appears on the 'good' list!)
We had a fabulous vacation in New Orleans with my big sis, Baz and Mitch.
I ran my first 5k and 10k races.
The kids got a fabulous new bathroom (but that's connected to a'bad'list item!)
Mitch got engaged (congratulations again!)
Simey got the metal contraption off his leg and just has a boot (again though - connected to an 'ugly')
Piet's sister and husband surprised him for Christmas and flew over (they are still here with us!)

Those last three on the list happened just this month - so fresh goodies!

The Bad.
Piet had to fly home to Australia to be with family (see the first on the Ugly list)
I got to work with the health care system here much more closely than I ever would have cared to (see the next in the Ugly list)
We had some calls to the school in the first half of the year for the Princess - 'nuff said!
The kids bathroom needed a complete gut and reno because of a leak.

And The Ugly.
Piet's brother Simon's horrendous motor bike accident.
The months of testing, phone calls and doctor/specialist visits that resulted in the tumor that is Fred being diagnosed.

Now when I look at these lists I see that the good has so much more in there - but those will not be what this year is remembered for.
And when I think back to the start of this year, there is no way that I would have imagined most any of the bad and ugly happening. So there is a bit of me that is glad that its over, and another that is hoping that I have learnt from it.
I feel more loved than ever - from both family and friends, both near and far. And I think that I appreciate what life offers more than ever too. Kind of morbidly realizing that it is such a gift that we do take for granted all too much.

So thanks for sharing a little part of what this year looked like.
And if you made it this far, you KNOW you deserve a reward....



Hugs until next year
Megan

Phone calls, Family & Feels

The phone is becoming a bit of a necessary evil in this process to kill Fred. I seem to spend an extraordinary amount of time on it. And waiting for it to ring. I'm not sure I'm liking it all that much.

Especially when it's booking in for treatments. I was still managing very well in denial until this past week. (was pretty happy too in that 'oh, it'll be fine' space too!)

But this week, after calling, and calling, and -yep, calling some more, I finally managed to get the page turned to 2014 (WHAT? This year is almost over folks - and not to scare you too much - Christmas is next week!) so that I could book in for my MRI and planning CT scan. 

Now there is no way that I can pretend Fred is not there and that I truly am just injured from running. Let's pretend here that I AM an athlete (Mum - try not to laugh till you pee at that, k?!) 

So - the phone is not my friend. This week at least. 

The family bit? Loving FaceTime for seeing and talking and laughing with some of the fam this week too. 

Part of this whole denial thing was avoiding talking to Australia. It's hard being away from them all at the best of times. So at the worst of times..... It sucks. Big time.

But chatting with the big sis and the mother was so much fun - why was I avoiding it? I'm thinking I need to take on Mandi's philosophy that if I'm gonna have to have something icky, I best be able to have fun with it. 

So we did. And thanks for the visuals girlies - and the urban dictionary. Who knew a dictionary could be so funny?!

But then after the laughs comes the feels. Lots of them.

This side effect of tears is just not the fun part. I went to see Dr K this week, and so the pain has been sorted mostly. It's this emotional bit that is hard to handle.

And just as a side not - what is with the acid years I'm getting? You know - those ones that sting? Not a fan peeps, not a fan. 

So there you go. My week in review. The good the bad and the ugly.

And your reward for hanging in there for such a long post?  Here you go....

So Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving Sweeties!

(For my USA friends, hope you had a fantastic day with your family and friends. For my Aussie friends and family - we should totally make a day to do this. Just an amazing day to eat, maybe drink, yourself silly and just think on the way that you are blessed. There's not a thing to complain about... well, let's not talk about Walmart, k?!)

I love a good list - but let's face it - this isn't going to be anything like one of those!

My gorgeous family tops the list. And the hubster really IS my favorite (I know you're not supposed to have faves, but I'm breaking all the rules these days!) He just rocks and has done more than anyone could ever ask while we have been dealing with Fred.

Coffee gets on the list too - if you've talked to me before caffeine in the morn, you'll know why it needs to go on here! If you haven't had that dubious honor - that should go on your list!!!!(so of course the new beast goes on here too - it just makes getting the coffee to my face so much easier!)

The happiness corner, right in my own kitchen!

God. (those of you Aussies rolling your eyes now - STOP IT!!!) I just couldn't have been able to get through this year without Him. Hmm - let's review that to seriously not being able to do life without Him.

Love the color orange too.  So - that makes this year's list!

The best of everything fun right here!

I dare you to tell me that doesn't make you smile.

And the random pick for this year's list? E-cards! A friend gave me a daily calendar last year (thanks Martie!) and it gives me a giggle just about every day.

If you're easily offended,  probably not for you.

So, what are you thankful for?

Till next time,
Hugs
Megan

The pressures of having the best husband in the world...

Today is our 23rd anniversary. Thanks - I know I don't look old enough to have been married that long!

And as usual he outdid himself with gifts. He is the best giver ever.

So first he surprised me with these to die for 'sleefs'. Amazing - and I know I wont have to wait too long to take these babies out for a spin, what with today's high being 37F (3C) and all!!!!

So apparently these make you look like an absolute dork!

THEN on the bottom of the bag were these T-shirts - one for each of the family! We had joked about making shirts for me, and the sneaky one did it! I know - you are so jealous, but he is ALL mine.

Yep - this is what we TRULY look like!!!

So if you see us out tonight, we'll be that cute family with the matching T's.

So once again, I'm the one with the lame gifts. I'm certainly not keeping score (totally AM) but once again I ended up the loser.

So until I lose again
Hugs
Megan

Taking Fred out for a run

Not sure if I have shared this yet. But I am a new runner. One of those who just can't understand why everyone around me doesn't want to come rum with me.
Also - wondering why the heck it took ME so long to figure out how much I love it!

Hey - I never said it was pretty!!!!!
Will's School District's 5K, Oct 13th

I hadn't run since Monday and my body and mind were feeling it. I'm in no way fast (averaging a 12:30 mile) but I am improving.
Or at least I was.
So today's run was hard. For so many reasons.
Usually after I've had such a long time between runs I feel great. My legs are a little bouncy and I just really enjoy getting out there. But today I just wasn't feeling it.
I could feel Fred right from the beginning half mile walk to the trail. And he didn't feel happy at all.
And perhaps the Panda Express for lunch wasn't the best choice either - my belly was not happy either.
I had wanted to get in 4 miles - but then changed that down to 3, and by the time my Garmin beeped after the first mile I was contemplating turning around right then.
It hit me then - I have a tumor.
I HAVE a tumor. I have a TUMOR.
Things may need to change in my life. My life may never be the same.
And my dream of training for my first half in May (Colfax Marathon) may not be realistic.

Before today I was still in a bit of denial. I WILL run until I can't.
Today I may have seen that that could happen a lot sooner that I had ever imagined.
Colfax will still happen for me - but it may look a lot more like a walk than a run, and it probably wont look at all like the times that I was looking at last month.(dreaming of really!)

The story so far

In June this year we went on a vacation with my sister and her significant other. While we were enjoying the lovely, humid sights of New Orleans I mentioned that I had this lump on the back of my thigh that was making stretching after running difficult.
Baz made me promise that I would go see my doctor. Actually - he paid me to go see my doctor! Aussies really have trouble understanding the medical system here. Truthfully - after 8 years, we still don't understand the medical system!

So, July 30th was the appointment with my PCP - Dr K. LOVE this guy. I really thought that it was some sort of benign tumor, that I would have surgery to remove it and be laid up recovering for a few months and that would be that.
Hmmm.... You've guessed it by now. Not so easy.
There was a 'normal' x-ray. And then a non-conclusive MRI. A trip to an orthopedic, oncologist specialist surgeon. Then finally a guided biopsy that resulted in a diagnosis.
I have a deep musculoaponeurotic fibromatosis. Or more commonly known as, well - easier to say at least - a Desmoid Tumor.
Not cancer. But not NOT cancer!
So - as far as I understand, it's really a benign cancerous tumor. He will continue to grow, but wont shoot off babies into the rest of my body. He responds similarly to cancer, and so we treat him like cancer.
Today marks the 3 month mark since that visit and a visit to an oncologist to talk about getting rid of this thing.
We have named this 'mass' Fred - get the name of the blog now?

My case has been to the Tumor Board, and my team has decided that radiation is the first course of therapy. That will start on January 16th 2014. Fred is too large to be removed surgically - that would actually be called an amputation! Not really an option if we can help it.
I am to have 33 treatments, Monday through Friday. That's about 6.5 weeks of a daily trip downtown during winter - YAY!
After that will be another MRI to see if ti has effectively killed Fred, and if not then we will look at chemo options.
Flip on over to the main page to keep up to date with how I survive the radiation. 'Cos even that is not straight forward with this tumor called Fred.....

Hugs until next time
Megan.