I just don'e even know what to say....

But first off, you know the drill. Ignore my unexplained absence and forgive me.
Probably the best way to deal with my inconsistency is to know that I am apt to fall into times of 'funkness' and I just withdraw.(Not to be confused with Funky Town - coolest place of the 80's!)  If I can't make you laugh, I don't want to be 'seen'!

Come on - you know you want to go too!

Now onto the serious side of Fred. And the reason for the title. We went to see the Dr (radiation oncologist) on Wednesday. I had the first of the follow up MRIs last week and we went to get the good news that the radiation worked and Fred was dead - NOT.

For a meeting with not a whole lot of information, and a LOT of me huffing (you might not have noticed that that minor tremble Wednesday lunch time was caused by my extreme vent of desperate frustration ).

The scan showed nothing. Well - really that nothing has changed. I was kinda expecting that. There's still too much pain and lack of motion for it to have been totally gone. But our hope was high for some good news.

That's what it felt like!!!!

There was talk of needing to wait until a year to see any real results. WHAT? You don't have to try hard to imagine how I dealt with that, do you? More huffing and a bit of eye rolling may have happened at this point.

We chatted a bit about whether any drug therapy would help (not yet - maybe after 3 or 5 years. MmmmHmmm - happiness ensued here too!)

We did some clarification on the scans though  - there is no distinction between live and dead Fred. So just because it is the same size doesn't necessarily mean that he hasn't died. Hey - we are clinging to anything right now peeps.

Words were also spoken of just having Fred stable as being a good outcome. Really? I think not.

Then - our world was shaken...

..a bit like this.

We made a joke about just lopping off the leg and getting a 'fake' one. Amputation jokes are always appropriate with your Doc, no?

The answer apparently is no.

No to the joke being funny.

No to it being appropriate.

And NO to it being possible.

All of this time we had really been thinking that if everything goes pear shaped, the worse that will happen is a prosthetic.

Umm - no. The amputation that Fred would require would take so much of my leg - well, all of it really, that there would not be anything left to place a prosthetic to.

So, needless to say that my mind has been in a whirl since then. As attached as I am to my leg, I had come to terms with the thought of a prosthetic. Not really something we were looking forward to, but as worst case scenario, a livable option.

So to say that there just isn't enough chocolate in the world to help me through this is not an exaggeration!

My thoughts are all over the place. I can't get a handle on what all of this means. Does it mean that how I am now is as good as it gets?

Many conflicting and confusing feels right now. I'll let you know when I get some sort of clarity, deal?

Like. Just like!

Until the next time I reappear,

Hugs

Megan